"I'll reject you before you reject me."

This is a game some of you are playing. You think, "If they find out what happened to me, they're gonna' run away from me. So I'll just be sure I'm the first one to leave - it doesn't hurt so bad that way."

O.K. - this is just more plain ole' fear. Fear just keeps popping its head in everywhere. Yet again, it's the fear of social rejection.

And putting on physical "armor" or carrying a defensive weapon like wasp spray won't conquer this fear. Still, I've seen some of you strap on that "shield" of trash talk, thinking that will protect you from any prying questions. Or, your defensive weapon may be your reputation for picking fights of the physical or verbal nature - to punish someone who suspects your secret. It could be that you've just gotten into the habit of privately picking apart every person you get closer to. After all, if you convince yourself they're not that great anyway, you won't feel so rotten when they walk away.

I'm telling you - this rejection game is a game you will never win. You want to stop playing this game. Chances are good that this new person may be a person who will help you, not hurt you. This person may tell you a joke to make you smile. Or this person may be amazed at the landscape you just painted. Or this person may invite you to a party. Or this person may pray for you.

Break this habit of brick-walling yourself inside. Start noticing what are the tricks you play to push people away. Stop demanding that everyone around you be a super-hero. They don't have the power to repair your world, but they can keep you from fighting it alone - and that makes them special.

But first you have to learn to welcome their company. Look around - what do other people do to reach out? Do they give compliments - do they go sit by someone who's alone - do they offer a helping hand - do they ask how did you do on the test?

Take mental lessons on how to invite other people into your world so you can stop kicking people out. You'll be glad, someday. You may even get close enough to somebody to find out that they had an issue they feared you'd reject them for, also. You may find out you're not as different as you think you are, after all.

You will feel "connected" again, one of these days! Keep holding on to that hope.

"The church won't protect me."

Again, true.

It is extremely discouraging to become aware of how many churches steadfastly refuse to deal with this issue. One hears repeated examples of church leaders either being the abuser themselves or covering up abusers or refusing to remove abusers from influential positions. This phenomenon crosses all denominational, geographical, and generational lines. Church leaders are intimidated by abusers with wealth or power or influence.

Or, the problem in a church may be as simple as a lack of education, resulting in leaders being completely unaware and insensitive to the issues victims face and causing further trauma and heartache to an already fearful and insecure survivor.

If you're a youth director or pastor reading this, PLEASE inform yourself about this issue (and it takes more than reading one magazine article). Large church buildings desperately need to be more secure - lock up unused wings, employ hall monitors, put up cameras. Obviously I'm no expert on building safety, but SOMEBODY needs to take up the cause.

Pastors, figure out a way to sponsor sexual violence and abuse support groups - legally. Some of you are staring at half-empty congregations, week after week. You may find your flock growing if you'll start addressing the needs of this group, which unfortunately is larger than you want to believe.

If you don't want to say anything, fine - instead consider this: You have no idea the power behind simply displaying a brochure in your lobby tract rack - with phone numbers for victims to call for help. This easily sends two messages: 1) To the victim - "We care about you and want to see you get help." 2) To a perpetrator - "We will not cover for you here - we will expose you for the protection of our people."

Youth directors, you have a vital job - you have influence over so many more people than I do. Set up a standard operating procedure for Sunday School teachers / leaders to follow when a young person confides that he/she has been raped or abused (and the FIRST rule should be -

"DO NOT ASK, 'What were you wearing?'") . Teen-age guys and girls should be trained in how to flirt with each other - without crossing the line into sexual harassment. Insist that when participants must break from your group activities, they always leave in two's. And understand the symptoms of sexual abuse - it may well be exactly the thing that has created your "problem kids". Learn about post traumatic stress disorder. You see, when you didn't sleep at all last night due to nightmares and flashbacks, it's kinda' hard to react maturely to every situation in youth group - especially when you're only fifteen. I'm not advocating suspending discipline for bad behavior. But I'm pleading for you to exercise compassion and sensitivity in discipline with the parents and child. More of a, "How can I help you overcome this destructive pattern?" instead of the harsh, "You've got to change . . . IMMEDIATELY! or we don't want you here."

Pastors and youth directors - you have the resources in Ephesians 6:11-18 to deal with this! The devil is wreaking havoc on our future generation through sexual abuse and violence. I beg you to embrace the responsibility God commissioned for you and reach out to these battered sheep silently screaming for your help.

"Who did this to you?"

Listen in on a casual conversation about rape. Almost every time, you will hear some of our shameful prejudices spill out in the comments made. And you go cold.

The subject of rape and sexual abuse brings out the worst in all of us.

Listen to me. A rapist is a criminal - a felon. And criminals come in all shapes, sizes, ethnic groups, and even financial categories. Even if your rapist is never convicted or labeled by the world as a criminal, the truth remains. YOU know the truth, and that is really all that matters. Remember - your own opinion about yourself and your situation is what really controls your behavior. The bad news is - you can't change the opinions of others. But the good news is - if your behavior is "off" 'cause your opinion of yourself is "off", then YOU CAN CHANGE your own opinion and straighten out your own behavior.

If someone "writes you off" because of who your perpetrator was, that's just crazy. It makes no sense at all. Just understand - that person who rejected you has his/her own problems - it has nothing to do with you.

What if the abuser is your own family member? There seems to be a unique stigma attached to that situation. Well, plain and simple, you have a member of your family who's a law-breaking criminal. EVEN IF NOBODY ELSE KNOWS THAT.

What if your attacker is a very powerful "respected" person? Even if it's never proven on this earth, that person deserves to be tried and convicted and punished and stopped from ever doing it again. Again, YOU know the truth. You may be the only one who ever knows the truth.

But you're cheating yourself if you place your own life in limbo insisting that the rest of the world know the truth. Don't misunderstand me - if you've pressed charges and the legal wheels are in motion, fine. Good. Go for it all the way. I stand behind you one hundred percent. But prepare yourself that you may not get what you're looking for. A "guilty" verdict may not come for your perpetrator. You may never be able to convince another soul on earth of what really happened.

The point I'm trying to make is - even in the midst of "sworn statements" and court delays and lawyer meetings, KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE. If you've tried to warn the world about this dangerous person and it didn't work, walk away. Your conscience is now clear. Don't make it a requirement to convince the world of your attacker's guilt before you can move forward. Life is still out there, and it's waiting for you to participate. There are still good days to be lived. You don't have to have everyone else's affirmation of your victimization. Don't sit around and wait for it.

It really doesn't matter who your offender was, it hasn't changed your value as a person and the blessing you are to this world.

"It's so lonely."

They say problems are like noses: everybody's got one. And everybody talks about 'em.

You sit around in a group with everybody talking about their problems. You throw in a comment or two about your "normal" problems.

But the question nags at you: What if they knew? What if I told them my REAL problem? Would they run? Would they stop sitting with me at lunch? Would they blame it on me? Would they ask me a tacky question? Could I stand that? Would I break down in front of everybody?

Then that cloud descends on you, and you feel your smile fade - depression, and sadness flood in on you. You feel so alone. How can you take this all by yourself?

Part of this goes back to fear. (Remember when we talked about fear?) Only this is not fear of physical safety, this is fear of social rejection. You're afraid that if your secret becomes common knowledge, everyone will disappear.

Well, I can guarantee you one thing. Somebody already knows it all - everything about your deep dark secret. Remember when we talked about God being omnipresent? He's present everywhere. Well, there's another big word for God: omniscient. That means He knows everything. "O LORD, Thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising; Thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, Thou knowest it altogether." (Psalm 139:1-4)

You may say, "Right. Sure. So THAT must be why God has disappeared from my life too." But He hasn't - even if you can't see Him working for you or if you can't feel His presence. Because immediately after talking about how deeply God knows you, the Psalmist goes on to say - "Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid Thine hand upon me." (Psalm 139:5) Does that sound like Someone who's running away from you?

And there's more - "Whither shall I go from Thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from Thy presence?" (Psalm 139:7) So, you can't get away from God even if YOU'RE the one running away from HIM! "If I ascend up into heaven, Thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, Thou are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me;' even the night shall be light about me." (Psalm 139:8-11)

God is forever committed to His children, no matter what. If you're a Christian, you may feel lonely, but the fact is - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don't lie to yourself. Keep telling yourself the truth.

"God doesn't love me."

Your body got bruised and beat up and battered. You have been treated with violence and damage and destruction. These were the actions of hatred. It's gonna' be hard to feel loved - by ANYBODY.

Add your confusion - Why did God let this happen to me? Why didn't God strike him dead? Why doesn't God make this all go away? Why does it get harder for me every day? How could God love me and stand back and watch me live in absolute misery? . . . . . . And you can add your own to the list.

I can't answer all your questions, but it may help you to hear the story of someone else who felt abandoned and cast off by God. Elijah, an Old Testament prophet, had gone "toe to toe" with the very wicked and abusive king Ahab and his equally bad wife Jezebel. These two people were murderous and idolatrous and Elijah told them face to face that God was judging them with a drought. Elijah endured the drought, protected one hundred Godly prophets from the rulers' murderous intents, triumphed in an intense conflict with Ahab on Mt. Carmel, then ran for his life from his most recent death threat (one of several).

Elijah had borne a great load of injustice and mistreatment. After asking God to let him die, he slept and then awoke to a meal prepared by God and then slept some more. Able to travel again, Elijah left but again found himself hiding in a cave - with serious issues. He told God -

. . . "the children of Israel have forsaken Thy covenant, thrown down Thine altars, and slain Thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away."

(I Kings 19:10). Do you know how it feels to fear for your life?

In that cave, Elijah experienced a strong wind, an earthquake, and a fire - but God wasn't in them. After all the turmoil came a "still, small voice" that Elijah knew to be God's and, after a little more arguing, Elijah was able to gain strength to move forward again in victory.

You're in a storm - everything is whirling around you in chaos. You don't sense God or His love in your catastrophe. But there will eventually come a "still, small voice" if you'll keep listening. God will renew your faith and hope. It may take a long time, but keep watching and waiting for God. Keep looking up. "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

Jesus cried out from the cross as He agonized in death: "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46). He understands how it feels to be truly abandoned by God. Go to Him with your feelings, and keep telling yourself that help is on the way for you.

"Why do I have to carry this burden?"

You used to think the world was a happy, safe place. Now you know differently. Among the many other things that were taken from you, your innocence was stolen too. Your eyes have been opened. You are now aware, and everywhere you go you see the danger. You see the leering stare of a possible predator; you hear the disgusting comments; you watch bold, wandering hands; you observe the nervous, downcast, defeated glance of a likely victim. And you will always know . . .

what's out there. It is truly a heavy burden to carry. Especially when you're only sixteen. And it seems like nobody else carries this burden. Your parents tell you you're imagining things. Your best friend tells you to get your mind out of the gutter. But they just don't see the world the way you see it.

You ARE very young for this, but I've watched some of you. You are the ones who will reach out to help a handicapped person open a door, 'cause you know what it means to feel helpless. You smile at a homeless lady 'cause you've felt worthless before. You LOVE abused animals. And you pay special attention to children 'cause you know it's scary to be small.

Your burden is exhausting and depressing and uncomfortable, but it has a good side. Along with the anxiety, your burden has brought you compassion and sensitivity and insightful kindness. You will grow up to be described as having a "special gift" - for mercy or wisdom or brilliant solutions to safety problems.

You've got to figure out ways to take a break from this. I know that seems impossible 'cause it's everywhere you look. But when you can't handle the pressure anymore, develop a strategy. If you see a bad situation at the mall, turn around and walk the other way. Go into a different store. Don't go punch the guy - you are not the person to fix it. Force yourself to breathe slowly and deeply. Stop gritting your teeth. Have a phrase you repeat to yourself over and over, such as, "I'm safe now." Choose to believe that if you can conquer your mountain, that hurting victim you see will someday find the strength to conquer her/his problems too. If you can do it, others can follow.

And keep channeling that concern you feel into positive directions - volunteer at a rape crisis center, run for political office and crusade for victims' rights, compose a song, write poetry, be a big brother/big sister to a child who's been abused. Take positive action and that fierce energy inside you will be easier to handle.

At the end of a very heavy day, run to your Heavenly Father's arms for refreshment and comfort. "For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward them that fear Him . . . Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear Him. For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust." (Psalm 103:11, 13-14)

He knows how hard this is for you.

"Why can't I be special?"

You don't have to look very far to see a girl or guy who has everything going for him/her. A crowd of family at every ball game holding up signs for them. A new, CUTE outfit every week or the most expensive athletic gear. Teachers patting them on the back and praising them to everybody. Lots of admiration from the opposite sex. Friends who loyally stick up for them and give them endless attention. Any rumors you hear about them are compliments, not criticism.

Then there's you. Some of you have let the stress and strain of lugging this around come out in your reactions to other people. If you haven't gone public with your "secret," others can be perplexed by your over-reactions to common situations. Or, if you HAVE gone public, you may be suffering from rejection due to people's fears and misunderstandings. Whatever the reasons, people may very well be avoiding you.

It is very hard for you to watch your peers having their dreams come true before your very eyes - a magical prom, a golden scholarship, a dream job. And you're stuck just arguing yourself into dragging out of bed every day. It seems like those youthful dreams were shattered for you in a short ten minutes. You feel like you're watching your chances slip away with every day that passes. You feel older than everybody else around you.

What do you want? What do you want for your future? Forget what happened to you for just a minute - quit giving yourself excuses not to do these things. Write down what you want your tomorrows to look like. College? Career? Boyfriend? Best friend? Your own car? Kids? A full week without being called to the principal's office? A day without fighting with somebody? Getting all your fines and tickets paid off?

What is one thing you can do today to get there? Apologize to somebody? Study for the big test for two hours? Call someone to meet you at the mall? Ask your teacher for extra work to bring up your grade? Go fill out a job application? Get a haircut?

And I know you don't feel like doing this, but I have to say it. Spend time with God today. I know you're all mixed up about Him and you just feel like staying away, but don't. Dust off your Bible and read something in it - maybe a chapter anywhere in the Psalms. And then pray a little. If you can't speak the words, write them down. Do something to connect with God. You're not gonna' have everything figured out about Him or your situation, but you've got to have His help. You may not see it or feel it, but He will help you somehow. God REALLY DOES love you. He KNOWS you're special, even if it seems like noone else on earth knows that (including your own self).

"I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are Thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well." (Psalm 139:14)

"I'm scared."

Of course you're scared. There's no way I can understand the sheer terror and panic you feel unless my physical body has been assaulted and mistreated, many times in a life-threatening attack. You know a depth of fear that most people will never experience. And you've also heard - just because you've been raped once, doesn't mean you'll never be raped again. It's not like getting the chicken pox one time and then forever being immune to the disease.

But some of you are doing crazy things that aren't going to keep you from getting raped again. Cutting up your body is not going to make you safer. Stomping around and beating up one person a day won't stop someone from raping you. Cussing out every person who's of the same sex or ethnic group as your attacker won't help. Locking yourself inside your house all the time won't keep a criminal from breaking in. Refusing to wear the same color you were wearing at the time of the assault won't make a bit of difference.

You're not THINKING. You've got to stop reacting and start thinking. What exactly will make you safer? How can this horrifying experience make you a smarter person? What are actions you can take that will actually HELP? If your home is the source of the abuse, maybe you need to contact some authorities. Maybe you've thought about that and already ruled it out. Maybe you need to think in a different direction - about a different authority figure. If you were attacked in a public place, a self-defense course could be a positive, helpful step to take. Or research carrying pepper spray with you - or even wasp spray (I've heard it works better than pepper spray.) If someone broke in your home, find out ways to make your doors and windows more secure. Figure out ways not to end up walking alone. Always have a buddy. If you were "date raped", listen to the advice - never set your drink down and walk away from it - never leave a party alone with someone you just met - only "group date".

If you're abused by someone you trusted, learn about manipulation. Figure out how that person "got to you" and "sucked you in" and learn about how you can keep yourself from being tricked again. You can become stronger than you were before. Don't stop living your life. Don't start doing destructive things. Just become as smart as you possibly can.

And don't make people your enemies who aren't really your enemies. There ARE a few "demons" in your world - but most people are not "demons". Most people are helpful, even though they may not help just the way you want them to help. Of course you're scared - but some of you are scared of way too many people, and you're scared of the wrong people. Keep THINKING - who was the REAL "monster" in my situation? It probably wasn't the police officer or hospital examiners - even though they may not have handled your matter very well. They still HELPED you, even if they didn't do a top-notch job of it.

Remember the devil, your number one enemy? Fear is the weapon he's using to beat you down. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (II Timothy 1:7) Turn from the fear and walk in the power of positive changes and helpful knowledge and smarter habits.

"Why did this happen to me?"

Very good question. 'Cause absolutely nothing makes sense now. Asking this question is your attempt to make "it" more logical, and that way maybe you can handle it better.

You wonder - did I do something to deserve this? Or maybe you tell yourself, "I disobeyed such and such rule, and that's why it happened. This is my punishment." STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. I don't have all the answers, but I know one thing - rape is not your punishment for doing something wrong. Stop telling yourself that. Walk away from other people who try to tell you that. (Don't scream at them - just walk away or change the subject.) You've been beat up enough already - don't beat yourself up more.

To put it short and simple, this happened to you because we live in a world completely corrupted by sin. You were grievously sinned against. People sin against each other all day long. Other sins, however, usually don't have the devastating effects on the victim that this sin does. Another thing - other sins are not against the law, such as cussing or being unkind. And even if the sin IS a law-breaking offense, it's usually not the felony offense that rape / molestation is - such as running a red light or getting caught with marijuana.

SO . . . spiritually you are a victim of another person's sin and legally you are a victim of a violent felony. Tough stuff to handle. And part of the aftermath of being victimized is having to "straighten out the mess" the criminal created - even if all the perpetrator had vandalized was your house. In that way, your victimization continues even after the crime is completed. Unfair - BIG TIME. So that's where we are now - straightening out the mess.

And you know what? If you're making the effort to read this, your "mess" is getting straighter. You're trying. And things are getting better. You may not feel like it and things may not look better yet. But you're reaching your hands out for help and if you ask for help enough times, eventually help will come, somewhere, somehow. Not a magic wand "cure" - but improvement, and progress - and a tiny ray of sunshine. You didn't "deserve" this any more than another teen-ager "deserves" to be killed by a drunk driver. The tragedy is - 'til we get to heaven, the world we live in is filled with wrong and injustice and crime. You have been made vividly aware of that reality.

So what are you supposed to do now? Keep it up - keep yourself moving forward, one tiny step at a time. Keep dealing with your issues. And make a commitment to yourself and to God - someday, when you're stronger again, you will do something every day to make your little corner of this dark world brighter. You can't fix this world. But don't spread misery and destruction and danger as your attacker did. Instead, spread hope and mercy and healing and Jesus to somebody else - a little bit every day. YOU ARE SPECIAL, and God made you a gift to

the people around you.

"That the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." (II Thessalonians 1:12)

"Nobody can know."

Why?

And I know you're now giving me a list of reasons a mile long.

And - some are very valid reasons. It truly may threaten your survival if this info. gets in the wrong hands. Or you may be surrounded by people whom you know could never possibly understand or accept you again, if you could even get them to believe you in the first place.

But most of you have at least ONE safe person in your life whom you could confide in. And whom you NEED to confide in. I promise you - that person is not perfect, and he/she will not react perfectly to you all the time. But you've got to give that person a chance to walk with you through all this - imperfectly, but most likely faithfully. Now this will take serious courage on your part. I know you are completely petrified to trust another human being with your most sacred earthly secret. O.K. - so you ask - Why? Why on earth is it so necessary to tell someone else? I'm glad you asked.

1. You need to be loved. You need warmth and concern and support - not only from God, but also from someone you can SEE - after you've been so terribly mistreated.

2. You are overwhelmed by emotions. Mostly, you're FEELING, not THINKING. And there are alot of decisions to be made that need THINKING. So, another person sometimes can temporarily help you think things out.

3. Or, maybe you're feeling nothing at all. It will help you to watch another person model feelings for you 'til some of your feelings come back.

It is true - you must be very careful who to trust with this info. Test the "waters" with someone first - tell them a "minor" secret and see if they're trustworthy with that. Or, just evaluate - do they keep their commitments to you? Are they mature in other situations? Someone who just "stood you up" or a "friend" who completely ditched you for another more popular person at the last party is probably NOT a good person to tell.

Eventually, you may have to tell some "official" people. You may not be ready for that today. But confiding in that one friend today may be just the "practice" you need for the hard work of finally reporting the crime, or getting psychological help from a counselor you just met.

YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! QUIT PANICKING AND HYPER-VENTILATING! Take slow, deep, easy breaths. Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw muscles. Un-tighten your tummy. Your friend is the same loveable, though imperfect, person she/he was before this happened to you. No magic wand to make everything fixed, but a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a glimmer of light in what is a deep, dark tunnel for you.

Let someone else in on this crisis.

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)

"What good has church done us?"

What if your assault happened at church? And not a soul on earth will believe you? What do you do when, what SHOULD be your SAFEST PLACE ON EARTH, becomes your most dangerous? For some of you, it's your own home - and it's one of your own parents! What do you do when the most horrible experience of your life happens "on holy ground" - a place you thought God would especially protect? HOW CAN YOU GO BACK THERE?

Still we know that God says in Hebrews 10:25 to forsake not the assembling of ourselves together. Unfortunately, He didn't add: "but only if you're safe and protected there." We know that in other countries beside America, church IS the most dangerous place on earth for Christians - but for different reasons. In countries without religious freedom, walking to church can bring the possibility that you're walking straight to your imprisonment or even formal execution. In past history, church officials have at times been some of the most corrupt individuals on earth, and experts at victimizing their particular "flock." So . . . . . church can be really, really BAD.

So why, in the name of all that's logical, would you go to church?

First of all, let's get one thing straight. A church building, in and of itself, is nothing especially "holy." Ask anybody who's in the business of building churches. It's a bunch of bricks and concrete and wood and nails and siding. It's the same as any other building - a school, a shopping mall, an office. And the bigger the church (or any other building), the harder it is to keep safe and secure. God "lived" in Israel's temple in the Old Testament, but He no longer does that - He now "lives" in the hearts and souls of His people. So it's not - wherever a church is, God is. Instead, it's now - wherever CHRISTIANS are, God is.

Second, I don't know all the reasons why, but there is value for you in corporately worshipping with other Christians - no matter how "flawed" those Christians may be. You may not be able to go back to the church where "it" happened - that's o.k. Go to another one. Or you may have to get somebody else to pick you up for church. Or you may not be able to participate in all the church activities you used to. Or you may have to sit next to your parents or Sunday School teacher or another "safe" person. Or you may have to get your best friend to meet you at the door. MAKE WHATEVER ADJUSTMENTS YOU HAVE TO MAKE TO KEEP GETTING YOURSELF TO CHURCH.

You will find something good there - even if it's just tiny. It may be the friendly way someone smiles at you. It may be a five-word phrase in a song. It may be one Scripture the pastor reads. It may be one sentence in a prayer offered in Sunday School. WRITE IT DOWN. Take paper with you and write that one good thing down. And hold on to that single golden nugget all week long. And go back next week for more - there just might be TWO good things next time!

"It doesn't matter."

I don't think this is what you really mean. I think what you REALLY mean to say is, "It does matter, but there's no hope that things will improve, so I'll try to pretend that it's no big deal. I don't know what else to do." I hear several messages in this: hopelessness, discouragement, defeat, a feeling of being abandoned and rejected and unloved and invisible. All in all, you believe YOU don't matter 'cause that's the message you're taking in.

Some of you may even feel guilty 'cause you see the time and effort and money and work that other people are giving up trying to help you. You just want everybody to stop all the fuss and maybe everything will just go away. Dream on. It doesn't work that way.

This is so unfair, I know, but when you were attacked or molested, a load of HARD WORK was dumped in your lap. There are numerous issues to be confronted and handled. At times this will seem overwhelming. But - listen to me - YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO BE REQUIRED TO OVERCOME THESE PROBLEMS! Countless others have gone down this road before you and have conquered "the mountain." Some of them will even say - It shouldn't have happened - it was horrible - but I have become stronger as a result of these struggles.

You will have major victories as well as heartbreaking set-backs. It will be "three steps forward, two steps back." Ask any Olympic gold-medalist if their journey was smooth and always filled with success. I seriously doubt it. But IT IS WORTH ALL THE ENDLESS EFFORT. You are making progress - you are moving forward. A better day will finally come - a day when you can truly feel a smile inside - once a day. Then you'll feel that smile twice a day. Treasure those moments, however rare they are. Write them down on a calendar. If you still can never feel a smile, keep working your program. Hang on to hope that someday that glimmer of happiness will peek back in through the cracks in your world.

YOUR LIFE IS VALUABLE. Don't stop working to redeem your life from the rubble. God created you in His image - "So God created man (and woman) in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them." (Genesis 1:27) You share a resemblance to the God of the universe. We should feel honored that such a perfectly holy, pure, righteous Being as Jehovah God would want to intentionally and obviously identify Himself with us humans. And when God's image in us became marred because we sinned, God immediately set in motion a plan of ultimate sacrifice - just so our lives could be restored to Him in fellowship and victory. "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." (I Corinthians 15:22)

Jesus is for you! Repeat this 'til you finally believe it. He is watching your agonizing daily struggle and cheering you on. "Wherefore He (Jesus) is able to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him, seeing HE EVER LIVETH TO MAKE INTERCESSION FOR THEM." (Hebrews 7:25)

"But this happened at church."

Can you believe we're actually saying this? How much of a shambles is our world in when the unspeakable horror of rape can occur within the four walls of "God's house"? How can this happen?

First of all, I know that the devil is attacking God's work and His people as never before. His techniques have seemed to frighteningly intensify in my lifetime. What better way to completely disintegrate an entire congregation's faith in God than to reveal the real danger that exists in innocently attending church? Wow! Slam-dunk!

To carry out his wicked schemes, the devil (whom we CAN'T see) uses PEOPLE (whom we CAN see) who have somehow made themselves available to carry out his will and his purposes. (Please don't misunderstand me. I am NOT implying that your attacker was "hopelessly overpowered" by the devil. I'm not releasing the perpetrator from personal responsibility. I'm simply clarifying the origin of the devious agenda from which rape comes.)

I Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober, be vigilant, because your ADVERSARY the devil, as a ROARING LION, walketh about, SEEKING WHOM HE MAY DEVOUR."

Do you feel like something has been trying to devour you, drag you down, suck you under? That's because the devil has been trying to do exactly that!

You have GOT to join the winning team. There's no other way to beat the devil.

"Forasmuch then as the children (humans) are partakers of flesh and blood, He (Jesus) also Himself took part of the same; that through death HE (Jesus) MIGHT DESTROY HIM THAT HAD THE POWER OF DEATH, THAT IS, THE DEVIL; AND DELIVER THEM (humans) who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage." (Hebrews 2:14-15)

You may have heard this a million times, but it will eternally be true. Jesus Christ, God's divine Son, came to earth as a baby at Christmas, died on a cross on Good Friday, and rose from the dead on Easter. Why? To save your soul. And to free you from the devil and his power over you. To give you a chance to not be defeated by your powerlessness and the sinful nature you inherited from the first human - Adam. (Remember him & Eve & the "apple"?)

Ditch this devil who is committed to destroying your eternal soul and join the Victor, Jesus Christ. He is your only Hope! You cannot win this battle alone - you MUST have help from Jehovah God who created this universe. PRAY to Him for mercy and salvation and comfort and aid and healing. He will answer your humble prayer.

"Where were You, God?"

How many times have I asked this question?

We know for a fact that God is always present everywhere. There's a name for that - it's called OMNIPRESENCE: "Whither shall I go from Thy (God's) spirit? or whither shall I flee from Thy (God's) presence?" (Psalm 139:7)

If a third human being had been present with you & the perpetrator, something inside you tells you that third person would have either attacked the perp. & stopped the assault or that third person's simple presence would have prevented the perpetrator's attack in the first place. So......

we know God WAS there - He WAS the third Person present, & He is all-powerful, & He didn't stop or prevent the attack. How can this be?

I guess most of us, instead of believing that God didn't help us, choose rather to believe that God must not have been there at all. But the facts tell us that God WAS, in fact, THERE.

I don't know all the answers, but I DO know - God lets people sin. He doesn't stop people from sinning. The problem is - some people's sins are not seriously damaging - like repeating some gossip or telling a "white lie." Other people's sins, on the other hand, are felony offenses & absolutely destroy the lives of others - even at times to the point of torture & murder. Additionally, I know that God has set some natural laws in order that He doesn't alter - like the law of gravity, for instance. If you jump out of a three-story window, you're going straight DOWN, not up: I don't care how good of a Christian you are! Similarly, God has established a law about man's free will - man chooses to follow God's ways or reject God's ways. And God won't "make" a person change. The person who attacked you chose to reject God's ways.

But if you're reading this today, it is a sure thing that, in the midst of your tragedy, God gave you a priceless gift: the preservation of your life. You may not see your survival as a gift. You may hate God for keeping you alive. But the fact remains - your life is valuable & priceless. And there is a way, somehow, to find a better day & a better way for yourself. You just may not have figured out how yet. But you must hold on to your amazing life 'til you can figure out how to make things better. Promise me you will do that.

My heartfelt prayer for you is that, someday, somehow, you can believe God again when He says, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." (Hebrews 13:5)

I pray for you to heal in this area.

"Nobody understands."

Right again.

You've gone to counselor after counselor. Some of them may have told you they were raped themselves. But they still don't understand YOUR situation - 'cause, maybe your rape got you pregnant & their rape didn't. Or, maybe it was your own father & it was just their first date with a guy they'd just met. Or, maybe YOUR rape happened at church - by the priest or music director. Or, maybe you're a guy. Or, maybe your family won't believe you. SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION WILL MAKE IT COMPLETELY UNIQUE TO YOU.

But, remember this - every other rape victim feels the same way. Take comfort in the fact that there's a multitude of other hurt people out there that feel exactly the same way you do - that noone does or ever will understand.

So you know what that means? YOU have to be your own best friend. YOU have to figure out what makes you work & what shuts you down (and I promise you the "answer" is not drugs or alcohol or any other self-destructive behavior.) Set positive goals for yourself - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Do one thing today, no matter how small, to reach your goals. Set relationship goals - with your parents, your brothers & sisters, your friends, your boyfriends or girlfriends. Move forward somehow today. Be kind to yourself. Don't help your attacker sabotage your future. Think about what wise advice you'd give to someone else & give it to yourself. Then follow it.

Then someday you'll wake up & know - noone else HAD to understand you anyway. You were smart enough to figure out what you needed to make it. You were your own best friend.

And Jesus is on your side. He loves you. And, believe it or not, He DOES understand you. Jesus was abused. Jesus was even murdered - the ultimate in violent torture & mistreatment & abuse:

"He (Jesus) is despised & rejected of men; a man of sorrows & acquainted with grief....." (Isaiah 53:3)

"Then did they spit in His (Jesus's) face, & buffeted Him; & others smote Him with the palms of their hands..." (Matthew 26:67)

Find a way to take your pain to the Person who has hurt as deeply as you have.

"They'll look at me differently."

You're right - some people will.

I believe people will fall into one of roughly four categories.

1. People who will re-examine their views on rape & realize they have not understood this issue in the past. Some will learn a little - others will learn alot. View this as progress. Be thankful for any glimmer of understanding, no matter how tiny. Be patient with their feeble attempts to understand. They wouldn't be trying if they didn't care about you.

2. People who will reject you - primarily out of fear and panic. The subject is too horrible for them to even consider, let alone face down. Don't hate these people - feel sorry for them. If they are paralyzed by their fear in this area, they will be shut down in other areas as well. Don't hate them - don't fear them. They deserve your compassion. They are not really living.

3. People who "get it" - your counselors, a precious few others scattered around - many who have been raped or sexually abused themselves. Treasure these people. Thank them. Don't run from them. They may make you feel uncomfortable, but it's the discomfort of a surgeon's knife who brings healing. Trust me - they don't do what they do 'cause it's fun.

4. "Unsafe" people who will view you as having a weakness & are therefore an easy target for further types of victimization. Run away from these people. Don't have anything to do with them.

Understand, though - GOD doesn't view you differently. If anything, He loves you MORE.

God has a special concern for the oppressed. Matthew 9:36 says, "But when He (Jesus) saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, & were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd." Psalm 102:17 says, "He will regard the prayer of the destitute, & not despise their prayer." God looks on your affliction.

I will say this, though . . . . IF someone does look on you "differently" because you've been raped or sexually abused, they're wrong. Someone STOLE from you - security, innocence, safety, privacy, peace of mind. Let's say your purse or wallet gets stolen. Would I say, "You're different 'cause someone stole your purse/wallet. Something must be wrong with you. Why would they have chosen to steal YOUR purse & not someone else's?" That reaction would be crazy! You are a victim of a violent crime & you've been affected because of it. But, you are in no way "damaged" any more than a person who gets their purse or wallet stolen or their house broken into.