You wonder - did I do something to deserve this? Or maybe you tell yourself, "I disobeyed such and such rule, and that's why it happened. This is my punishment." STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. I don't have all the answers, but I know one thing - rape is not your punishment for doing something wrong. Stop telling yourself that. Walk away from other people who try to tell you that. (Don't scream at them - just walk away or change the subject.) You've been beat up enough already - don't beat yourself up more.
To put it short and simple, this happened to you because we live in a world completely corrupted by sin. You were grievously sinned against. People sin against each other all day long. Other sins, however, usually don't have the devastating effects on the victim that this sin does. Another thing - other sins are not against the law, such as cussing or being unkind. And even if the sin IS a law-breaking offense, it's usually not the felony offense that rape / molestation is - such as running a red light or getting caught with marijuana.
SO . . . spiritually you are a victim of another person's sin and legally you are a victim of a violent felony. Tough stuff to handle. And part of the aftermath of being victimized is having to "straighten out the mess" the criminal created - even if all the perpetrator had vandalized was your house. In that way, your victimization continues even after the crime is completed. Unfair - BIG TIME. So that's where we are now - straightening out the mess.
And you know what? If you're making the effort to read this, your "mess" is getting straighter. You're trying. And things are getting better. You may not feel like it and things may not look better yet. But you're reaching your hands out for help and if you ask for help enough times, eventually help will come, somewhere, somehow. Not a magic wand "cure" - but improvement, and progress - and a tiny ray of sunshine. You didn't "deserve" this any more than another teen-ager "deserves" to be killed by a drunk driver. The tragedy is - 'til we get to heaven, the world we live in is filled with wrong and injustice and crime. You have been made vividly aware of that reality.
So what are you supposed to do now? Keep it up - keep yourself moving forward, one tiny step at a time. Keep dealing with your issues. And make a commitment to yourself and to God - someday, when you're stronger again, you will do something every day to make your little corner of this dark world brighter. You can't fix this world. But don't spread misery and destruction and danger as your attacker did. Instead, spread hope and mercy and healing and Jesus to somebody else - a little bit every day. YOU ARE SPECIAL, and God made you a gift to
the people around you.
"That the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." (II Thessalonians 1:12)
