The subject of rape and sexual abuse brings out the worst in all of us.
Listen to me. A rapist is a criminal - a felon. And criminals come in all shapes, sizes, ethnic groups, and even financial categories. Even if your rapist is never convicted or labeled by the world as a criminal, the truth remains. YOU know the truth, and that is really all that matters. Remember - your own opinion about yourself and your situation is what really controls your behavior. The bad news is - you can't change the opinions of others. But the good news is - if your behavior is "off" 'cause your opinion of yourself is "off", then YOU CAN CHANGE your own opinion and straighten out your own behavior.
If someone "writes you off" because of who your perpetrator was, that's just crazy. It makes no sense at all. Just understand - that person who rejected you has his/her own problems - it has nothing to do with you.
What if the abuser is your own family member? There seems to be a unique stigma attached to that situation. Well, plain and simple, you have a member of your family who's a law-breaking criminal. EVEN IF NOBODY ELSE KNOWS THAT.
What if your attacker is a very powerful "respected" person? Even if it's never proven on this earth, that person deserves to be tried and convicted and punished and stopped from ever doing it again. Again, YOU know the truth. You may be the only one who ever knows the truth.
But you're cheating yourself if you place your own life in limbo insisting that the rest of the world know the truth. Don't misunderstand me - if you've pressed charges and the legal wheels are in motion, fine. Good. Go for it all the way. I stand behind you one hundred percent. But prepare yourself that you may not get what you're looking for. A "guilty" verdict may not come for your perpetrator. You may never be able to convince another soul on earth of what really happened.
The point I'm trying to make is - even in the midst of "sworn statements" and court delays and lawyer meetings, KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE. If you've tried to warn the world about this dangerous person and it didn't work, walk away. Your conscience is now clear. Don't make it a requirement to convince the world of your attacker's guilt before you can move forward. Life is still out there, and it's waiting for you to participate. There are still good days to be lived. You don't have to have everyone else's affirmation of your victimization. Don't sit around and wait for it.
It really doesn't matter who your offender was, it hasn't changed your value as a person and the blessing you are to this world.
