But you know what? I'M not the same person I was yesterday, either. With every day that passes, we add new people, new experiences, new lessons, to our worlds. And none of us can go back and re-live what is past. So, I don't think the fact that you've changed is the real problem - 'cause you were constantly changing anyway before this happened.
I think what's bothering you is being overwhelmed with - where do I go from here? How do I deal with these changes in me? What does it mean for me now to keep living my life?
People talk about a "new normal." And that's your goal now. You can't go back to the way life used to be - none of us can do that. But all through these posts, we've been addressing how to carve out a "new normal" for yourself. We've touched on what to do with your new fears, how to assimilate this tragedy and rebuild a positive self-image. We've talked about how to deal with people now - responding to their comments, resisting their smothering, and reaching out for their company. We've talked about writing out some goals for yourself - make them short-term as well as long-term and focus on achieving them. And we've brought up God and how vital it is to keep forcing yourself to seek Him even though you feel betrayed by Him right now. These are all ways to establish a "new normal" for yourself.
But please don't think my suggestions are complete - they'll only get you started. You are smart enough to know how to "take it from here." And, if you get stuck somewhere, you will know when it's time to reach out for a psychologist's or counselor's help. Do not hesitate or delay in doing that.
One of my favorite Bible verses - because of its symbolism - is Isaiah 61:3 - "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified."
God will move you forward to a new day - even if it seems like only one millimeter at a time. Get yourself a plain desk calendar with room to write on every day. Write one thing God does for you every day - even if it's as simple as making it a sunny day. Or, write down that nice thing your brother/sister said to you. Or just write down one good thing or one thing that makes you happy. If you do this long enough, God's goodness will begin to dawn on you. And it will be easier to face your future.
