Your friends and your parents may even have put in their "two cents" about what you "should" have done or not have done. You have beat yourself a thousand times with "if only's".
You may feel guilty 'cause you didn't "fight back". I've heard it said many times - YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE. You've got to tell yourself that as many times as it takes until it finally sinks in.
Many criminals gain their power to succeed in their schemes by brute force. This means that if the perpetrator is bigger or stronger than you are, or has a weapon, he can carry out the plan. It can be hard for even trained and armed police officers to catch or stop an attacker.
You've learned, though, that criminals want an easy target - their best chance to get by with the crime. You may have realized by now how your circumstances made you an easy target. And there are many ways to keep yourself from being in a weak position again.
However, you still can't ignore that feeling of powerlessness and complete helplessness. You know that reality, as few others ever will. In your mind, your attacker seems to get bigger every day.
Remember when we said a rapist's goal is to conquer and subdue? Well, a big part of the attack is in the mental realm. Your perpetrator attempted to control you mentally as well as physically. The good news is - you can do something about your own mind. This is one thing your psychologists and counselors are helping you work on: your thought patterns, to break the attacker's mental hold on you. This is a big reason you don't want to quit on your appointments! Your counselors have worked with other survivors beside you, and they know the signs that you're ready to be released from counseling. COOPERATE WITH THESE PEOPLE!
Your mind is a spiritual battlefield. The devil's biggest victories begin in your head. Ephesians 6:11-18 talks about filling your head with truth from the Bible (not the lies of Satan), walking in righteousness and peace and faith and salvation and "praying always." Philippians 4:8 talks about thinking on what is honest, just, pure, lovely, good, virtuous, and praise-worthy. II Corinthians 10:5 says you can cast down "imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." John 8:44 calls Satan a liar and the father of lies and says that there is no truth in him.
So, figure out how to stop listening to the lies the devil whispers to you. Do not cooperate with the devil's plans to bring you down!
