You might respond to this speaker - not in a mean way, but with an impish, teasing twinkle in your eye - have THEY forgiven everyone in life THEY need to forgive? I doubt it - yet you're somehow required to get every little detail of your travesty "just so."
I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but my guess is an EFFECTIVE counselor will not belabor this point. I'm also assuming every rape victim knows they've been raped. Now you're saying, "Huh? What does that have to do with forgiveness?"
O.k. - here it is - let's say you're "making out" with somebody, and things go even further. I believe you know when it "turns the corner" into rape because I believe EVERY RAPE VICTIM FEARS FOR THEIR LIFE. Rape is beyond "rough sex" - it enters the realm of being violent and even murderous. And every survivor knows this: rape is not a minor "breaking the rules" - rape is dangerous and many times deadly.
Therefore, a good counselor will understand - at first, probably the most pressing issue is NOT forgiveness, but to be sure you're in safe circumstances right now. Then, you've also got to FEEL safe, or at least, feel a tiny bit safer. You can't even think straight 'til that issue is addressed. Then it's got to be drummed into your head that THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT and you get into self-image issues (and that can take awhile). And you've got to talk about how to deal with your relationships now and how to cope with the day-to-day requirements of your world. Then there's possible post-traumatic stress disorder and depression issues to be resolved.
You don't put an accident victim into physical therapy when he's still in the emergency room: to me, a rape survivor spends quite awhile in the "emergency room." Forgiveness seems to be more of a "long term" issue (the "physical therapy" stage, if you will) - something you get to AFTER you're out of the emergency room, at the END of your recovery.
And you must understand forgiveness. Forgiveness is not forgetting, having a "warm, fuzzy feeling" toward the attacker, acting like it doesn't matter, or resuming the relationship. You can forgive even when you're in a lawsuit to hold the perpetrator accountable.
Maybe forgiveness has to do more with your motives - WHY do you want to put your attacker in jail? Work toward an attitude of protecting others, making a safer school or city, a "wake-up call" for a dangerous person who's out of control. Try to move away from - wanting the person to agonize and suffer. Those feelings will hurt YOU more than anybody else.
And keep working on your own recovery. I know this - the stronger and safer you feel, the easier it is to meet the requirement of forgiveness.
God will help you where you're weak! "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13) Never forget: He's walking through this with you and He is the Great Forgiver. He's got extra forgiveness in His "basket" to fill up your empty forgiveness basket.
All you have to do is ask.
